How much of the anger in my home is caused by me? That’s a painful question. As parents, fathers in particular, we must heed God’s Word from Ephesians 6:4. Of course, this is not to say that all of our children’s anger is caused by us! Each of our children is personally responsible for his or her own sin. However, this warning from God is here for a reason. One of the ways our sinful flesh rears its ugly head is by provoking others to anger. And the easiest place to do that is in our own home.
What are the most common ways we do this? Here’s a helpful list from Lou Priolo.
- Lack of marital harmony
- Establishing and maintaining a child-centered home
- Modeling sinful anger
- Habitually disciplining in anger
- Scolding
- Being inconsistent with discipline
- Having double standards
- Being legalistic
- Not admitting you’re wrong and not asking for forgiveness
- Constantly finding fault
- Parents reversing God-given roles
- Not listening to your child’s opinion or taking his or her ‘side of the story’ seriously
- Comparing them to others
- Not making time ‘just to talk’
- Not praising or encouraging your child
- Failing to keep your promises
- Chastening in front of others
- Not allowing enough freedom
- Allowing too much freedom
- Mocking your child
- Abusing them physically
- Ridiculing or name calling
- Unrealistic expectations
- Practicing favoritism
- Child training with worldly methodologies inconsistent with God’s Word
This list is from one of my Top 10 Recommended Counseling Resources and a great parenting book: The Heart of Anger by biblical counselor, Lou Priolo.
*Note Lou Priolo is an author, speaker, and biblical counselor at Eastwood Presbyterian Church in Montgomery, AL. If you would like to read Lou’s writing, visit him at this link: www.loupriolobiblicalcounseling.com
November 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm
When I read lists like this I wonder why my parents ever decided to have a family. It’s overwhelming when you see all the things you can do to mess up relationships. I’m so very glad they chose to anyway and even though I know they didn’t do everything right, they tried to be godly parents. Their example encourages me to trust God.
November 8, 2012 at 11:23 pm
I agree with Karolyn in wondering why my parents decided to have kids! As I read through this list, I saw areas where my parents did not do so well, and others where their successes bring sweet memories to mind. I am very thankful for my parents and they examples (both positive and negative!) that they gave me.
November 20, 2012 at 11:31 am
What an amazing opportunity and experience to be married and have children. It sounds so repetitous, but there is no way I can do this in my own power. Thank you for the reminder of the goals but also our lack of ability to accomplish them without God directing my life.
December 3, 2012 at 11:28 am
In my experience as a coach and a teacher (NOT as a parent) these are the most frequent ways I have seen children provoked to wrath, from the list:
Lack of marital harmony- You hear that the divorce rate is over 50% but when I taught in a public school, divorce was so prevalent among my student’s families that it was astounding.
Being legalistic- I have seen this more in the Christian schools I have been a part of. Also incredible how it can affect a child’s walk with God.
Establishing and maintaining a child-centered home- in order to “make up” for divorce situations or to win children over to their side, many times you see this. Sets a child up for failure.