Help! Our Child Identifies as Transgender

by Paul Tautges | April 9, 2024 7:55 am

Transgenderism, a fringe issue not that long ago, is now mainstream in the USA. The number of people identifying as transgender has ballooned in recent years.  If your child has declared that he or she is transgender, you face a serious trial and an intense spiritual battle. If you believe and live out the truth of God’s Word, you will be slandered as evil and hateful. The child you love and cherish may even cut you out of their life for not affirming and celebrating their declared gender identity.

The Heart of the Matter

It is shocking to find out your child is denying reality and his or her own body. Many Christian families think that if they give their children a Christian education, closely monitor their online activity, and train them diligently in biblical thinking, then they will be insulated from the world’s problems. Yet the darkness is not just out there in our culture, but within our very hearts, including the heart of your child.

While it may seem easier to see your child’s struggle as a mental disorder, the actual issue is a worship disorder. The heart is the seat of worship. We were all made to be worshipers of the one true God. When we are not worshiping God, we do not stop worshiping, but we worship something else. We become idolaters. This is a universal human problem since the fall, as our hearts are now tainted and bent toward idolatry and self-rule. Those caught up in transgenderism are seeking truth, identity, and hope for salvation within themselves.

Seek to Understand and Love Your Child

Loving your child is the most important thing you can do when he or she identifies as transgender.  Be patient and humble as you earnestly seek to understand what is going on with your child. This should not be done with hostility or judgment, but with a godly love that seeks the good of the other. Ask a lot of questions, having your child define his or her terms as you go along. Prayerfully, try to do this in a manner that will not put them on the defensive. Listen and gather information before you speak (Proverbs 18:13).

Whether your child is merely questioning or has fully bought into the ideology, the key is that you remain calm and loving. Remind them that nothing they say or do will make you stop loving them. That said, Christian love is not the anything-goes affirm-at-all-costs love of the world. You may feel a desperation to stay connected to your child, no matter the cost. The adversary would love nothing more than to get you to give up and compromise on truth for the sake of your relationship with your child.

Practical Guidance

If your child has declared he or she is transgender and is under eighteen, you may have to take drastic measures to remove them from the people and settings which are fueling their confusion. Set strict limits for their safety. Be tough and say no. Do not let them manipulate you. Do not give in to their demands to transition. They do not know the pain they are signing up for as their distress will only get worse if they are sterilized, lifelong medical patients.

Remind your child that you care about their body and their soul, which is why you are taking this seriously. Let them know you understand they will be upset, but be clear that it is your responsibility before the Lord to protect them.

The Only True Hope

Dealing with a rebellious child is heartbreaking. Your child’s declaration of being transgender can feel so much more devastating because of the irreversible physical consequences that often come with this identity. However, while overtly shocking, transgenderism is simply one more manifestation of man seeking to fulfill his sinful desires on his own terms. Such were all of us, even if our rebellion came in different packaging. Remember this as you seek to love your child during this trial. The goal is not to get your child to stop being transgender. The goal is for your child to know Jesus Christ and be made new in him.

Trust God and put your faith in him, not yourself, as you seek to come alongside your child. You are not your child’s savior. You are not up to the job. But as a believer, you know the One who is. Your job is to love your child, model Christ to them, and respond to their struggles with wisdom and grace. Do not let your child’s transgender confusion shock you or depress you, for there is hope. The gospel of Jesus Christ has the power to save everyone who believes, including the gender confused (Romans 1:16).

Learn More

If you are the Christian parent or loved one of a child who identifies as transgender, this minibook[1] will help you navigate this trial. It will give practical advice on measures you may take to shield your child from further indoctrination, along with biblical advice on how to shepherd your child’s heart (and your own) through this confusion.God’s Word is sufficient to help you to understand what is going on with your child, to help you to think and respond biblically to the situation, and to minister to you and your family in this time of suffering.

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. (1 Corinthians 15:57–58, ESV)

*Today’s post is written by Vanessa Alabarces, the author of Help! Our Child Identifies as Transgender, which is now available from Shepherd Press[2] and Amazon.[3]

  1. this minibook:
  2. Shepherd Press:
  3. Amazon.:

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