How Should We Treat People Who Reject Us?
by Paul Tautges | January 9, 2026 1:55 pm
For the past fifteen years, it has been my unexpected privilege to serve as series editor for the LifeLine Mini-Books from Shepherd Press. Now fifty-six titles strong (with more in the queue), the series has earned a reputation for being biblically faithful, Christ-centered, heart-focused, and gracious in tone. By God’s kindness, these little books have helped hundreds of thousands of readers and have strengthened local churches, counselors and counseling ministries around the world.
For that reason, it is always a joy to announce a new release. I am especially grateful to share the latest title from Jim Newheiser, Director of the Christian Counseling Program and Professor of Christian Counseling and Pastoral Theology at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte.
To give you a taste of the wise, pastoral counsel found in this book, Help! I’ve Been Rejected, I am pleased to share an excerpt from chapter three, entitled “How Should We Treat People Who Reject Us?”
Believers are united to Christ by faith, and therefore we are fully accepted by God. From this foundation of divine acceptance, it is possible for us to respond to others with wisdom and grace.
Assume the Best and Overlook Whatever You Can
Scripture teaches that love strives to assume the best in others:
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7)
You may feel sad when friends from church don’t invite you to their party, but don’t assume that this is because they deliberately slighted you. Perhaps they were trying to reach out to people who they thought needed friendship.
Scripture also teaches that even when others wrong us, sometimes we should simply overlook the hurt:
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)
Sometimes people who are close to us say or do hurtful things, not realizing how we might be affected. You can often choose to ignore the insensitive remark. Spurgeon famously wrote that “a minister ought to have one blind eye and one deaf ear,”[1][1] meaning that sometimes the wisest thing we can do is ignore much of what we see and hear. Proverbs 19:11 states another wonderful expression of this truth:
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. When I experience criticism and rejection, I think of this verse and am encouraged when the Lord enables me to overlook an offense.
Pursue Reconciliation Where Possible
Scripture teaches that sometimes we should gently correct someone who has wronged us:
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1–2)
Sometimes love compels us to confront even if we tend to be conflict-avoiders. We also must remember that when people sin against us their primary transgression is against God, not us. The objective of confrontation is not to vent our anger or hurt feelings, but to restore our brother or sister to the Lord. We come not as judges or prosecutors to condemn, but as doctors or nurses to heal. Our hope is that their reconciliation to God will lead to restoration of our relationship with them. Another principle is that we must be “spiritual” when we confront others, which in the context of Galatians 5:16–23 implies that our corrective words should come from a heart of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (5:22–23), not fleshly “enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions” (5:20).
We must also be willing to forgive those who have wronged us. Paul writes,
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31–32)
Joseph sets a wonderful example of gospel forgiveness when he is reconciled to his brothers who had sold him as a slave:
“And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father.” Joseph wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, “Behold, we are your servants.” But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (Genesis 50:17b–21)
Reconciliation may not always be possible
Many of us earnestly hope that those who have hurt us will repent, and then we would gladly forgive them. But we are powerless to create peace and reconciliation apart from the Spirit’s work. Paul declares,
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:18)
We can’t change people’s hearts to make them repentant. Sometimes reconciliation takes time. It was many years before Joseph’s brothers repented. I had a former close friend who turned from the Lord and deeply hurt me. Then, thirty years later, he contacted me and sought forgiveness and reconciliation. I was amazed and thankful!
Maybe relationships have been damaged by our own sin.
A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle. (Proverbs 18:19)
In such cases we should seek forgiveness, getting the log out of our own eye (Matthew 7:1–5).
Look for Opportunities to Show Kindness to Those Who Hurt You
Jesus teaches us to love our enemies (Luke 6:27 36). When Pastor Caleb was shopping at Walmart, he ran into Dan, a former friend who failed to stand with him when some in the church falsely accused Caleb. Caleb considered his options. He could corner Dan and tell him off, or he could turn down a different aisle and avoid having their paths cross. Instead, he decided to kindly greet his former friend and inquire about the well-being of his family. Romans 12:20–21 challenges us,
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Two years later, when Caleb heard Dan had been diagnosed with cancer, Caleb made a point of praying for Dan and offered to visit him (Psalm 35:11–14).
There Are Situations When You May Choose to Keep a Safe Distance from Those Who Have Hurt You
After Sally’s husband, Jack, was caught in adultery, he divorced her and then married his new girlfriend. Sally was shocked when Jack said to her, “I hope we can still be good friends. Perhaps we can go out for coffee from time to time.” Sally said nothing in response and had no intention of having any unnecessary future interaction with Jack. Scripture teaches that sin often has consequences (Galatians 6:7). The Bible also says that we are free to stay away from people or situations which would harm or endanger us (Matthew 2:21–23; John 10:39). While we are not to be embittered and hateful (Ephesians 4:31), we are not required to be close friends with those who have betrayed us. After her almost-fiancé Gerald broke up with her, Alison did not believe it wise or appropriate to spend time with him in the future. We should avoid foolish people who could have a destructive influence on us.
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Proverbs 13:20)
Scripture not only gives us wisdom for how to think about rejection, but it also teaches us how to respond wisely in a way which honors God. We also can trust that God is at work even in our difficult experiences.
Help! I’ve Been Rejected[2] is available here (print and e-book).
FREE COUNSELING POSTCARD: Five Things to Tell Myself When I’ve Been Rejected[3]
You may also want to read Jim’s book, Do I Need Boundaries?[4]
[1][5] Spurgeon, Lectures to My Students, 321.
Help! I’ve Been Rejected is the newest title in the Lifeline Mini-Book series from Shepherd Press.
Related
Endnotes:- [1]: #_ftn1
- Help! I’ve Been Rejected: https://www.shepherdpress.com/products/help-ive-been-rejected/
- Five Things to Tell Myself When I’ve Been Rejected: https://counselingoneanother.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/Rejection-4-Prints-on-One.pdf
- Do I Need Boundaries?: https://newgrowthpress.com/christian-books/biblical-counseling-books/do-i-need-boundaries-seeking-to-please-god-by-learning-to-say-no/
- [1]: #_ftnref1
Source URL: https://counselingoneanother.com/2026/01/09/how-should-we-treat-people-who-reject-us/
How Should We Treat People Who Reject Us?
by Paul Tautges | January 9, 2026 1:55 pm
For the past fifteen years, it has been my unexpected privilege to serve as series editor for the LifeLine Mini-Books from Shepherd Press. Now fifty-six titles strong (with more in the queue), the series has earned a reputation for being biblically faithful, Christ-centered, heart-focused, and gracious in tone. By God’s kindness, these little books have helped hundreds of thousands of readers and have strengthened local churches, counselors and counseling ministries around the world.
For that reason, it is always a joy to announce a new release. I am especially grateful to share the latest title from Jim Newheiser, Director of the Christian Counseling Program and Professor of Christian Counseling and Pastoral Theology at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte.
To give you a taste of the wise, pastoral counsel found in this book, Help! I’ve Been Rejected, I am pleased to share an excerpt from chapter three, entitled “How Should We Treat People Who Reject Us?”
Believers are united to Christ by faith, and therefore we are fully accepted by God. From this foundation of divine acceptance, it is possible for us to respond to others with wisdom and grace.
Assume the Best and Overlook Whatever You Can
Scripture teaches that love strives to assume the best in others:
You may feel sad when friends from church don’t invite you to their party, but don’t assume that this is because they deliberately slighted you. Perhaps they were trying to reach out to people who they thought needed friendship.
Scripture also teaches that even when others wrong us, sometimes we should simply overlook the hurt:
Sometimes people who are close to us say or do hurtful things, not realizing how we might be affected. You can often choose to ignore the insensitive remark. Spurgeon famously wrote that “a minister ought to have one blind eye and one deaf ear,”[1][1] meaning that sometimes the wisest thing we can do is ignore much of what we see and hear. Proverbs 19:11 states another wonderful expression of this truth:
Pursue Reconciliation Where Possible
Scripture teaches that sometimes we should gently correct someone who has wronged us:
Sometimes love compels us to confront even if we tend to be conflict-avoiders. We also must remember that when people sin against us their primary transgression is against God, not us. The objective of confrontation is not to vent our anger or hurt feelings, but to restore our brother or sister to the Lord. We come not as judges or prosecutors to condemn, but as doctors or nurses to heal. Our hope is that their reconciliation to God will lead to restoration of our relationship with them. Another principle is that we must be “spiritual” when we confront others, which in the context of Galatians 5:16–23 implies that our corrective words should come from a heart of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (5:22–23), not fleshly “enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions” (5:20).
We must also be willing to forgive those who have wronged us. Paul writes,
Joseph sets a wonderful example of gospel forgiveness when he is reconciled to his brothers who had sold him as a slave:
Reconciliation may not always be possible
Many of us earnestly hope that those who have hurt us will repent, and then we would gladly forgive them. But we are powerless to create peace and reconciliation apart from the Spirit’s work. Paul declares,
We can’t change people’s hearts to make them repentant. Sometimes reconciliation takes time. It was many years before Joseph’s brothers repented. I had a former close friend who turned from the Lord and deeply hurt me. Then, thirty years later, he contacted me and sought forgiveness and reconciliation. I was amazed and thankful!
Maybe relationships have been damaged by our own sin.
In such cases we should seek forgiveness, getting the log out of our own eye (Matthew 7:1–5).
Look for Opportunities to Show Kindness to Those Who Hurt You
Jesus teaches us to love our enemies (Luke 6:27 36). When Pastor Caleb was shopping at Walmart, he ran into Dan, a former friend who failed to stand with him when some in the church falsely accused Caleb. Caleb considered his options. He could corner Dan and tell him off, or he could turn down a different aisle and avoid having their paths cross. Instead, he decided to kindly greet his former friend and inquire about the well-being of his family. Romans 12:20–21 challenges us,
Two years later, when Caleb heard Dan had been diagnosed with cancer, Caleb made a point of praying for Dan and offered to visit him (Psalm 35:11–14).
There Are Situations When You May Choose to Keep a Safe Distance from Those Who Have Hurt You
After Sally’s husband, Jack, was caught in adultery, he divorced her and then married his new girlfriend. Sally was shocked when Jack said to her, “I hope we can still be good friends. Perhaps we can go out for coffee from time to time.” Sally said nothing in response and had no intention of having any unnecessary future interaction with Jack. Scripture teaches that sin often has consequences (Galatians 6:7). The Bible also says that we are free to stay away from people or situations which would harm or endanger us (Matthew 2:21–23; John 10:39). While we are not to be embittered and hateful (Ephesians 4:31), we are not required to be close friends with those who have betrayed us. After her almost-fiancé Gerald broke up with her, Alison did not believe it wise or appropriate to spend time with him in the future. We should avoid foolish people who could have a destructive influence on us.
Scripture not only gives us wisdom for how to think about rejection, but it also teaches us how to respond wisely in a way which honors God. We also can trust that God is at work even in our difficult experiences.
Help! I’ve Been Rejected[2] is available here (print and e-book).
FREE COUNSELING POSTCARD: Five Things to Tell Myself When I’ve Been Rejected[3]
You may also want to read Jim’s book, Do I Need Boundaries?[4]
[1][5] Spurgeon, Lectures to My Students, 321.
Help! I’ve Been Rejected is the newest title in the Lifeline Mini-Book series from Shepherd Press.
Related
Source URL: https://counselingoneanother.com/2026/01/09/how-should-we-treat-people-who-reject-us/