Counseling One Another

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Counseling One Another

A Dad Talks with His Son about Masturbation

This is the third and final installment from a new book by Jay Younts, Everyday Talk about Sex and Marriage: A Biblical Handbook for Parents.

One of the unique features of this little book is the final section, which consists of real-life conversations between parents and their kids about sexuality. Six examples are included:

  1. A First Conversation: Conversation between a dad and son (about 11 years old)
  2. Conversation about Women: Conversation between a dad and his 14-year old son
  3. Conversation about Sex and Babies: Conversation between Mom and 16-year-old Daughter
  4. Conversation about Self-Control: Conversation between Dad and 14-year-old son
  5. Conversation about Periods: Conversation between Mom and Daughter

Then the author ends with this sixth example of a father talking with his 15-year-old son, Sean, about masturbation. Please understand this conversation doesn’t come out of nowhere, but continues conversations that have been going on for years.

“Sean, did you get my email about tonight?”

“What email?

“Sean.”

“Yeah, Dad I got it. I’m here. It’s cool.”

“Okay, great. We have some new ground to cover.”

“How could there possibly be anything you haven’t covered yet?”

“Well, I’ve covered almost everything. I have been being a bit of a chicken with this last topic.”

“Chicken?”

“Well, yeah, I have. We need to talk about masturbation.”

“Wow, Dad! Stop. I get it. I don’t think we need to go in depth here, okay?”

“Yes, Sean we have to. And, I’m sorry I have taken so long to get to this issue.”

“Okay, it’s cool. Don’t worry about it. Can I go now?”

“I am afraid not. This is one of the problems that people don’t talk much about except to make jokes about it.”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s pretty much a constant on Xbox Live.”

“It doesn’t just happen online. Older men joke about it too.

“Are you serious? Guys still do that, even at your age?”

“Uh, yes, sometimes even guys older than me.”

“Gross, Dad.”

“All right, be serious. You remember the two most important things about sex and marriage?”

“Um, that would be God designed sex for marriage and sex and stuff should always honor God … oh, and like our thoughts and when we have sex is only for the person that you marry. So that’s like three things, right?”

“Right, great! Okay, I am trying to keep this short and not too heavy, just so you know.”

“The shorter the better.”

“Sean, do you remember when we talked about being respectful, and a wise son listening to his father’s counsel?”

“Yeah, from Proverbs. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. Now, given how well you just explained what things are important, how do you think masturbation fits into that picture?”

“Um … I guess it doesn’t?”

“Sean, I am not looking for the ‘right’ answer. I want to know what you really think.”

“That is what I think. I mean … I guess it’s like you said before, sex is all about serving just your wife, I guess, and, you know, the other thing is just about my—uh—yourself.”

“That’s very true, Sean.”

“But, I was talking with my friend Paul and he said that at his school he had a class where they said that it’s not bad, it’s natural and everybody does it and it is just super-strict Christians who are all messed about it.”

“And what did you think of that, the natural part?”

“I mean, we already talked about it. It makes sense. Natural is not always good, right?”

“Yes, outstanding! Masturbation is obviously something one person does alone. And that does not fit with what the Bible says about sexual relations. That is what I am trying to get across. When people do things that don’t follow God’s direction, things don’t turn out well.”

“Like?”

“I have a good friend who does biblical counseling, you know him, Scott …”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Well, he counsels a lot of families where masturbation is a problem. He says three things usually happen when a teenager, or anybody really, gets involved with masturbation. There is doubt, then guilt and then kids become slaves to it.”

“Uh, yeah, I can kinda see that … he say anything else?”

“He really made a really big deal that parents can’t get upset with their kids if this is going on. Being angry, hurt and offended, which is what most parents do, doesn’t help anything. He said kids just have to start rethinking things differently and trust God to help them see how unhelpful masturbation really is.”

“Um … ”

“Look, Sean, we are about out of time tonight. So we will pick it up next week, okay. Thanks for hanging in there tonight. I love you, son.”

“Hey, Dad, thanks.” “No problem.”

[This post is written by Jay Younts, and is drawn from his brand new book, Everyday Talk about Sex and Marriage: A Biblical Handbook for Parents.]

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