The Lord Is Dealing with My Bitterness
[This letter comes from a female reader of this blog who wishes to remain anonymous.]
Your audio sermon “Bitter Root, Rotten Fruit” struck a chord with me tonight. I’ve been earnestly praying to deal with my bitter root and sense of entitlement to a peaceful environment. I live in a duplex, in an elderly community, thinking I’d finally found a home of solace and quiet. My neighbor is just recently living in sin with a gal, and my once peaceful environment now feels corrupted/polluted. The noise and disrespect have sprung up much anger in me. I have chronic vertigo, so any stress to my system greatly throws off my balance and health. You are right about the effects of bitterness. Although I pray for God to change me, I still have the sin of ill thoughts toward my neighbor. I try to act like it doesn’t bother me, but I’m almost downright lethargic, which is not like me.
I ask, why would the Lord allow this? So many disctractions in my home to where I cannot focus. Perhaps it’s to deal with my heart. As a Christian for almost 20 years, I can’t imagine how others get through it (the unsaved). All this to say, I have a long way to go, to restablish JOY and peace within my environment. Your heartfelt sermon made me feel like someone actually cares enough to teach those of us who are drastically searching/hurting.
I’m on a quest to learn through this suffering and loneliness. I feel selfish for having a roof over my head, while others don’t, and yet I’m so unhappy. I realize I need to be happy in Jesus, before God allows a godly, faithful man into my life. You are right. God uses our experiences for our betterment. The suffering feels unbearable at times, but this only shows me my sin of not trusting in Him. For we as Christians are to attract others to Jesus, not push them away.
We need more sermons like yours. Thank you for using your family’s experience to aid us to be more holy. Sorry for the length of this email, but I felt prompted to share as a stepping stone for my spiritual health.
A sister in Christ