In the Bible, the heart is the always-active, ever-worshiping, always-wanting-something control center of our lives. Therefore, when something or someone gets in the way of our desires and expectations, we are tempted to respond in anger. Then, if we allow anger to linger, we grow bitter, which hurts us and others. In the book of Ephesians, the Spirit warns against this response by reminding us of who we are as believers in Christ (Ephesians 4:1–24).

In Christ, you are dead to sin and alive to God because the Holy Spirit caused you to be born again by the power of the life-giving gospel. Therefore, you now have a secure standing before God and the indwelling Spirit to empower you to put off sinful ways and walk in the righteousness and freedom of Christ. It is in this larger context that God commands you to beware of misplaced, sinful anger. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27). In this verse, there are two warnings to heed.

Righteous anger may quickly become unrighteous.

Anger is not automatically sinful and can be a godly, appropriate response to evil. For example, the Gospel accounts inform us that Jesus, the sinless Son of God, was angry (Mark 10:13–16; John 2:13–18). Nevertheless, for us, the line between righteous and unrighteous anger is extremely thin—it’s easy, even natural, for us to cross over. In his book, Uprooting Anger, Robert Jones describes three distinguishing marks of righteous anger.

1. Righteous anger reacts against actual sin. Righteous anger arises from an accurate perception of evil defined biblically as a violation of God’s Word. Righteous anger does not result from merely being inconvenienced or from violations of preference or human tradition. It is provoked by actual, not imagined, wrongs.
2. Righteous anger focuses on God and his kingdom, rights, and concerns; not on me and my kingdom, rights, and concerns. God-centered—not self-centered—motives drive righteous anger. Righteous anger focuses on how people offend God and his name, not you and your name.
3. Righteous anger is accompanied by other godly qualities and expresses itself in godly ways. Righteous anger remains self-controlled. It keeps its head without cursing, screaming, raging, or flying off the handle. Nor does it spiral downward in self-pity or despair. It does not ignore people, snub people, or withdraw from people. Sinful anger gives people “the silent treatment.” Righteous anger does not.

However, even if our anger passes all three tests, we must not remain there. “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” compels us to address our anger and its sinful expressions immediately. This implies that we work through our interpersonal conflicts as soon as possible, as Jesus also commands (Matthew 5:23–25).

Lingering anger grieves the Holy Spirit and gives the devil the opportunity to destroy.

As we’ve already noticed, anger often stems from not getting what we want (James 4:1–10). This gives the devil opportunity to exploit our unmet desires by tempting us to remain discontent. If we linger there, we hand over some of the real estate of our hearts to Satan and become easy prey for the prowling lion to devour (1 Peter 5:8). This was the case with another Old Testament example, Esau, whose resentment produced a desire to murder his brother, and corrupted his heart further (Genesis 27:1–41). As it was with Esau, bitterness will turn you into a murderer—perhaps not by taking a person’s life, but by destroying their spirit with harsh words or punishing them with silence. This sinful response grieves the Holy Spirit “by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption” (Ephesians 4:30).

Thankfully, the apostle does not leave us only with dangers to beware. He also gives a Christ-centered solution.

APPLY THE BIBLICAL REMEDY

As the fourth chapter of Ephesians ends, Paul exhorts us to action, to put feet to our new life in Christ by putting off bitterness and putting on grace: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31–32).

Put away bitterness and all its unsavory relatives.

Bitterness gives birth to a family of sins. In verse 31, the apostle introduces us to five disagreeable relatives: wrath (an outburst of passion, rage), anger (a state of hostility), clamor (loud shouting), slander (abusive speech that tears a person down—usually behind their backs), and malice (general wickedness). You must remove these from your life completely. Since bitter words flow from the fountain of a bitter heart (James 3:10–11), removal begins by confessing your sinful responses to God and repenting before others, when necessary. To change your speech patterns, you must notice what is going on in your heart. Learn to ask yourself, “What do I want so badly that I’m willing to commit murder in my heart to get it or keep it?” Yet, it’s not enough to put away bitterness and all its unwelcome family members; you must also put on grace, which is illustrated in the next verse.

Replace destructive patterns with Christlike love and grace.

While putting away bitterness and its sinful relatives, we must also put on Christian virtues like those mentioned in verse 32, being “kind to one another, tenderhearted, [and] forgiving.” Kindness is doing good to others, especially those who wrong us, while tenderheartedness extends from mercy. Forgiveness, however, is the golden key to unlocking the self-made prison of bitterness. Forgiveness is letting go of offenses or putting them away, like God—who no longer holds our sins against us (Psalm 79:8). Forgiving others “as God in Christ forgave you” is the new standard for the believer; it is the trademark of the new self. Are you stuck? Are you struggling to let go of bitterness? Remember that God shows how deeply he loves you by sending his Son to save you (Romans 5:8). Realize how much Jesus wants to help you walk in the freedom that he purchased and be encouraged that the Spirit is praying for you (Romans 8:26). He who endured the greatest injustice of all—being punished for sins he did not commit—is also the One who left an example of how to respond when we are treated unfairly. “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). By handing over our injustices to the Judge of Heaven, we can let go of bitterness and walk in the newness of life. Will you entrust yourself and your hurts to the Lord who delights in you (Psalm 18:19)?

*This article is derived from the minibook, Bitterness: When You Can’t Move On

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